The letter

This may give some people a good laugh for the day. It's from one MCSer to another (myself) and she's even worried about renting to me...not that I blame her! But I think I can work it out since it's in warm weather and open windows help alot...I kept her name annonymous . I"m trying to go to california for a month so that I can take a much-needed yoga retreat, be in warmth, sleep with the windows open, go for long walks and get more oxygen to my brain....here's her letter...

From: Fellow MCSer
To: envirolisac@yahoo.com
Sent: Saturday, November 22, 2008 5:25:41 PM
Subject: Re: APT IN SANTA MONICA

HI,

I have to think about it..I am just concerned..I myself do not have the energy to help with such matters ...I know what a nightmare I have been when I was really sick..you have told me you move from place to place..it sounds still very critical..I am not sure I can take the stress myself..you are very nice and I appreciate your being for sure..I just have to make sure...I am going to sit with it for the night...please make sure you have a back up plan..regardless what if something bothers you here and I can't do anything about it..I have to let you know I can not refund your money..it goes to rent and it is gone and financially I can't do it from me being sick I am scraping by myself from spending it all too from being ill...sooo..mm let me ponder it..

Thanks\many blessing for healing....

Fellow MCSer

Here's mine back to her....

Dear Fellow MCSer:
Thanks for your concern. Seriously, even though it's been very stressful being denied rentals by so many people due to my illness; being turned down by someone else whose been ill is kind of humorous in a way! Actually, if I ever become a standup comic, I'll add this to my material! I may even put your letter (making you annonyous!) in my mcsrecovery.blogspot.com blog!!

So please consider this: my idea is for me to pay for a month, try it a couple weeks, and if it doesn't work, here's FOUR different ideas: you can put me in your other condo if no one has rented it yet, or I share it with someone, or I find another place or I just come back here!! (and you still keep the rent). If I had to leave and found you someone for the rest of the time, I'd get paid back; otherwise not.

But hopefully we can make it work out. As long as you don't think your carpet is moldy from all the steam cleaning, the other roomate doesn't use hairspray or perfume in the bathroom (it's not good for your health either), and she's respectable and kind, it should be okay.

I can just sleep with the windows open partially as I did last night in the carpeted hotel. It's much warmer there at night than here in BC!

Lisa

anyways, tonight I'm off to Fairholme Manor B&B in Victoria for the week--the best B&B you could find for MCSers on the island, and the only one I've felt good in (affordable for me for a week!).

---

I'M BACK!

Its about 20 days since my last post because I've been quite ill in that apt; we turned off the pilot light for the gas stove two days after I moved in (I was waking up with no feeling in my legs and I was falling over as I couldn't balance), but even after the gas was turned off, something was wrong. So, I ended up in a hotel (not great, but no gas and I don't feel like my head is caving in).

I'd be feeling better if I didn't keep returning to this house to cook food and spend an hour or two there to make sure I wasn't imagining feeling ill (then my head would start feeling like it was crushing in and I'd get even worse). Stupid. Either there is a gas leak (but can't be since I had the gas guy come check) or since it's a 100 year old house the cooking and cleaning fumes from the people living below are coming up through the floorboards (not inconceivable since people in apts can smell paint when someone below them is painting!). There's also a garage below my bedroom (though it's just storage).

The GOOD NEWS is that the brain wave therapy I'm doing in Vic (www.wavesofpotential.com) is starting to work. It had a very hard time working when I kept counteracting it with toxins--which caused me to cry almost every waking hour for the past two weeks--until I decided yesterday to keep the door wide open while cooking then I run out of there.

But today, after 24 hours of pretty much avoiding the apt (other than having an ENVIRONMENTAL INSPECTOR come in yesterday--I'll write more about that later), I had a major shift in the brain wave therapy.

I seem to be coming out of what has felt like near-amnesia for the past four years (and it's been getting much worse as time goes on) where I felt very disconnected from myself. From my questioning other MCSers, this is an extreme symptom which goes beyond brain fog and it shows some brain damage, according to the therapist treating me with this Brain States therapy, and I'll talk more about that coming up. I never thought I'd get back to myself or remember what myself even is, but the train may be reversing, returning back to its home. I'm still reacting to things, but at least I can think clearly. But there's more brain wave treatments for me coming up. I've gone from basically being near suicidal to having hope. Stay tuned.

The latest apt.

I'm in my new suite in Vic. The good thing is it's near a great yoga studio, accuncture, coffee shops and health food store.

The bad side is that I had my friend, Ian, check it out for me after I found it online and liked the photos. He has severe MCS and I was out of town but figured I'd rely on his body's intelligence-- if he didn't react to it, "I wouldn't either." Dumb idea. Deep in the recesses of my mind, I knew that everyone reacts differently, and that I'd made the mistake of having others check out places for me before, but I relied on him since I was in a different city and figured I may get lucky this once.

Unless one is very careful, finding a place in the rainforest that's not moldy is rare; many people don't think about the mold-factor. If there is no insulation in the walls as there isn't in this bedroom and if it's often cold as this house is, mold grows and it can be black and behind the walls even if no one sees it. It's most certainly in the walls of the bedroom here, and I only know because my head starts not only to feel like it's "caving in" with my brain being squished, but I get "radio head" where my background thoughts--or "monkey mind" as it's called in yoga--becomes very loud and it sounds like I'm hearing a non-sensical radio. It only happens in moldy or pesticide-ridden areas.

Inflammation --as is discussed in a great book "Brain Allergies"-- isn't good for the brain and as my friend and "mcs coach" Annie says, my "health comes first". This may literally be around the 39th place I've lived in, in the past 8 years of my MCS, and I've only had to skip out on one other (for poisoning me out with moth ball fumes seeping in from the adjoining garage causing 'firework' images to go off in my head) where I lost $500 in a small claims court, but I can't stay in here though there's a good chance my exhaustion will give me no alternative. It takes alot of energy to house hunt and is one of the prime stress factors in Maslow's triangle.

I don't like skipping out on landlords even when they don't tell the truth about mold (in the walls), loud noise (from a nearby construction site) or inconsiderate neighbours (in this case, a non-empathetic nurse ironically lives in the suite above my head), but I am reacting badly and I'm even slurring my words (happens in the worst of conditions) and this would only be the second time I'd have to do it, but I'll try find her another tenant instead.

WHAT DO DO while looking for another place to live? I've bought about three space heaters, and I plan to open windows slightly to bring in fresh air and blast the heat at the same time so I don't freeze. Wallmart's great; you can return items (eg. if you can't afford them) with in 90 days. If it wasn't so cold out and if I wasn't renting a new (smelly) rental car, I could even sleep in that as I used to do for naps in my old car, but overnighters won't work in this one.

I'm starting brain-wave treatment tomorrow and the ten sessions will cost me almost $2000 so I don't want to offset any good I may do by sleeping in a toxic apt., so hopefully this heat-window idea will work. Fortunately, I have health insurance to pay me the $2000 back.

There isn't anyone in the family offering safe accomodation so if this doesn't work and I don't find a healthy place, it's off to warmer pastures where I can sleep with windows wide open. Can't do the research work I'd like but at least I could heal.

Hawaii may do the trick. And maybe in the light of the moon and the darkness around it I may be able to do research on my laptop outside.

Stay tuned.